


way with words

by maelstrcms



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt, Falling In Love, Heartbreak, Love Confessions, M/M, yuta is emotionally blind and loves doyoung too much now cry with me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:21:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28213860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maelstrcms/pseuds/maelstrcms
Summary: It’s because of love that Doyoung confesses, and it’s because of love that Yuta turns him down.(Or: Yuta breaks Doyoung's heart, not noticing his own shatter in his chest.)
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 13
Kudos: 75





	way with words

**Author's Note:**

  * For [chenlery](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chenlery/gifts).



> in honour of rui's emergence from the womb, i wrote this. congratulations on your birth and i love you in the most platonic way possible.
> 
> thank you ara for the prompt!

Yuta arrived at his new school half an hour late, his hair and clothes rumpled from the early morning flight.

He dashed into the class as the first-period teacher was leaving the class, almost knocking the poor man over. He apologised profusely, taking the only empty seat left, which happened to be next to a lanky boy wearing a pastel blue sweater and glasses. Yuta nodded curtly at him. By the name written on his books, he assumed his deskmate's name was _Kim Dongyoung_.

They couldn't be more different. Yuta's ears were full of piercings, and he wore darker colours with leather jackets, while Dongyoung was dressed in pale tones, sweater paws and clean white sneakers.

They had literally nothing in common except for a shared table, so Yuta didn't bother to start any conversation between them.

After the class was over, he realised that he had no idea where to go. He stood up awkwardly and made to follow the others, but something told him to stay behind for a little bit.

So he did, leaving him and Doyoung alone in the classroom.

Dongyoung packed his things up slowly, regarding him with curiosity. "You're new here, right?"

Yuta frowned, trying his best to translate the sentence using his limited Korean. "Yeah," he slowly replied. "I just joined this school."

Dongyoung seemed to sense his hesitance. "You're not from Korea."

"I'm from Japan."

He broke into a broad grin, and Yuta had to smile back. His smile was _infectious._ "That's _so_ cool! My name is Dongyoung, but my friends call me Doyoung."

 _Doyoung_.

"I'm Yuta."

As the days went by, Yuta found himself looking forward to seeing Doyoung. Doyoung balanced him out like the concept of _in-yo_. He was the light to Yuta's shadow, the bright side of Yuta's moon.

His heart had begun to feel _strange_ when he was around Doyoung. Sometimes, when they were a little to close together, leaning over each other's shoulders to read what they were writing, he'd feel it. When they were seated at their secret hangout spot on the school roof, staring their secrets and ambitions, he'd feel it. His heart would beat at double time, as if it couldn't handle the close proximity to Doyoung.

Yuta noticed himself admiring every little detail of Doyoung, the crinkle of his brow when he was answering a particularly tough exam paper, the single raised eyebrow when he caught Yuta cheating off his own quizzes, the upward quirk of the corner of his lip when Yuta said something funny in class. He memorised all the little things, holding them close to his heart. How he never failed to text Yuta ' _good morning_ ' or ' _good night_ ', how he always brought an extra packed lunch for Yuta, how he would complain about Yuta's Korean but still spending hours tutoring him so that he could follow the classes in school. Every little thing Doyoung did, he remembered.

Yuta didn't know exactly when he had begun to develop feelings for Doyoung, but when he did, he cursed himself, vowing to hide his feelings deep within himself.

"I will _not_ ruin this friendship," Yuta whispered to himself. "Things are fine just as they are."

High school had passed in flashes of schoolwork, exams and Doyoung. It was late February, and their graduation was nearing. Despite spring being around the corner, the air was still frosty, not cold enough for it to snow.

They were on the school roof, feet dangling off the edge. Yuta's cheeks were red with the cold, his black eyeliner smeared in the edges.

Doyoung didn’t look at him at all, staring pointedly at the ground that lay several hundred feet below them.

“Yuta,” he cleared his throat, his adam’s apple bobbing as he spoke. “there’s something I have to tell you.”

Yuta didn’t think much of his statement, inhaling the cold winter air. “Go on.”

Doyoung swallowed, the words forming on his lips. “I-I think I might be in love with you.”

Time stopped.

Yuta didn’t move an inch, the words echoing in his ear. “I think I might be in love with you...”

He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream and shout, kiss him and push him away. He wanted to unleash everything: his feelings he had hidden away, the joy of his feelings being returned and the happiness that came with being in _love_.

No. This was _wrong_.

Yuta could love him like that. He _did_ love him like that, and he always would. But while this love, this tragic, horrible love pulled them closer, it dragged them farther apart.

He wasn’t a good person. Not good enough for Doyoung. He was too flawed, too reckless, too _wild_ for Doyoung. If there was one thing Yuta knew, it was that he could _never_ be enough for Doyoung.

No matter what he did, he knew that he could never be the person that anyone deserves. The person that _Doyoung_ deserves.

It’s because of love that Doyoung confesses, and it’s because of love that Yuta turns him down.

Despite every cell in his body begging him to say that he _loves_ him, to say that he would be there for him, he forced it all down. He _had_ to.

It’s for the best.

_I’m sorry, Doyoung._

“No.”

Doyoung sits up even straighter, looking at Yuta with surprised eyes.

“I don’t love you in that way, Doyoung. And I _never_ could. You disgust me.”

He said this partially because he knew that if he continued to hang around Doyoung, his feelings would only grow.

It was better to break the bridge between them now than ruin him later. He had to minimise the damage.

“Goodbye.”

_I love you too. More than you could ever know._

_I love you._

_I’m sorry._

Words are a human's greatest weapon.

Words build us up.

They shape us, they make us, _us_ , they colour the blank slate that we are with beauty and creativity.

Words ruin us.

They break faster than they build, they rip people apart, they tear people down.

At that moment, Yuta had turned it all on Doyoung.

And it had _destroyed_ him.

Yuta was a wreck.

He had taken his life apart, holding the people who cared from him at an arm's length, far enough that nothing he did could harm them.

He tore everything to the ground and sat in the ruins.

And then, after that, he began to build it back up again.

It had been years; Yuta was a different man now. He had tossed his past behind him, started anew, and had gotten a job at a flower shop. Despite all of this, his heart never really stopped loving Doyoung.

He had never stopped, which was why it had hurt, oh so _much_ , when Doyoung walked in one day, asking for a bouquet of roses. _It was a gift_ , he had said, _to the man that he loved_. For once, Yuta was thankful for the hat he wore, that covered his face.

When he left the shop with the flowers, Yuta had broken down once again in behind the counter, sobbing until there were no more tears left.

By a stroke of fate, his flower shop was hired to a wedding. He didn't know of the grooms, didn't recognise their names, but chose to oversee the floral arrangements anyways.

When the day came, he stood off to the side, making sure that each rose was in place. He was wearing white for the first time in years, respectful of the dress code. It felt fresh, clean. Like a new start.

"You may now kiss the groom."

There was applause and loud whoops when the grooms kissed, and Yuta clapped politely for them. He saw how happy they looked, how _in_ _love_ they looked.

Deep in his heart, he found himself feeling jealous.

But it was for the best.

His eyes wandered the crowd and rested on a pair of broad shoulders. They were familiar. _Too_ familiar.

The person felt his eyes on his back and turned, but saw nothing. Yuta was gone.

Yuta was furiously driving, his knuckles turning white from how hard he was gripping the steering wheel. He parked in front of a building, the white paint now slightly greyish from age. It was empty now, all the students and teachers having left for the weekend.

The school.

He took his time walking through the grounds, heading for the roof. It was slightly, chilly, and he realised that it was around this time a few years ago where the confession happened, where one conversation ruined their relationship forever.

Yuta settled down where he used to sit, his breaths making little clouds in the cold air. "What are you doing now, Kim Dongyoung?"

"Standing next to you."

He turned abruptly, shocked to hear a voice in the silent school grounds. _Doyoung_ was standing on his right. He had shed the white jacket he was wearing for the wedding, and was wearing a black turtleneck and black pants.

 _Black_.

It was the first time Yuta had seen him wearing black.

"I told you to call me Doyoung," he said, sitting down next to Yuta. "That's what all my friends call me."

"After all these years," Yuta breathed. "And you still haven't changed."

"You have."

It wasn't a question, it was a statement, a fact. When Yuta met his gaze, he saw truth in his eyes.

"Not where it really matters."

Doyoung _had_ changed. He was older, his features more distinguished, sharper. He was more guarded, and had an air of maturity around him. He was less delicate, more strong than scared. From every aspect other than his name, he was no longer the boy he had fallen in love with.

But his heart said otherwise.

"You look... different," Doyoung said. "Softer."

Under all the differences, it was still Kim Dongyoung.

Yuta forced out a laugh. "Maybe it's the white."

He laughed back. "Maybe."

There was a pause. "I never stopped loving you, you know." Doyoung softly spoke. "Even when we weren't talking."

"I loved you," Yuta murmured. "I loved you so _much_ , Doyoung."

Doyoung's voice was choked. "Then why did you hurt me?"

Pain flashed through Yuta's eyes as he remembered. "I didn't want to."

"But you did," Doyoung's eyes were pleading now. " _Why_?"

For once, Yuta struggled to find the right words. "I did it because I loved you. I did it because I was not who you deserved to fall in love with."

"You were _enough_. You were _always enough_."

Silence.

"Do you think-" Yuta swallowed. "Do you think we could try again?"

More silence.

"I don't know anymore. My brain says no, but my heart says yes."

"So does mine."

He looks at Yuta. "What do we have to lose, then?"

"I can't live without my heart, Doyoung."

Doyoung's lips curled up in the corner, and Yuta finally comprehended how much he had _missed_ him.

"Neither can I, but I will protect your's with my life."

"Do you know that I love you, Kim Dongyoung?"

A tear slid down Doyoung's cheek. "I love you too, Nakamoto Yuta."

Yuta felt his soul soar. It flew high, above the clouds, swirling in the winter winds before returning down to the ground, to the school rooftop where Yuta was wrapped in Doyoung's arms as they both cried.

But, this time, the tears weren't of sadness. They were of joy, of happiness, and of love.

Words are a human's greatest weapon.

Words change us.

They affect our views of everything around us, they make us think, they make us feel.

They make us mortal.

Yuta had been wrecked by three words, but the same three words had reconstructed him even better than before.

_I love you._

_I love you, I love you, I love you._

**Author's Note:**

>  _in-yo_ is the Japanese version of yin and yang, which is a concept of dualism describing how opposite forces may actually compliment each other and are interconnected. this is just a simple description, i'd advise you to do more research on the topic if you're interested.
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/maelstrcms) / [curious cat](https://curiouscat.qa/maelstrcms)


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